For you Jade
I understand very well what you can go through as a test - August, it's like yesterday ... I have a secret that I am going to share with you: what struck me in the suicide of my sister is that in the family, it was me who had to leave first! Ginette was the one who had passed a social worker course, partly because of me, no doubt.
To quell the untenable suffering of our lives, she fought successfully but I often gave up - I should not have been there for a very long time. Ginette fought for me, looking for help and support. I was 40 years old when I (re)conciled with life. For Ginette, I believe that the successive bereavements that we experienced was right of his fighting spirit ... and I was not there!
The first trap to avoid is to feel guilty for not having seen the suffering of the other, a sign, a call for help that one would have missed. However, I say that when we get to the act, it is that we have lost contact with everyone, including loved ones that we leave behind. I know you understand to have wanted to join him ...
It's normal when our universe switches in this way. The mourning process of a loved one who committed suicide is not the same as the others and it is VERY IMPORTANT to ask for help from an organization designed for survivors. I do not know what exists in your country in this sense but I beg you to ask for this particular help if you do not already have it.
At this moment, your confidence in "daring to say" here makes me think that Ginette did not die in vain, that her act and my reaction to entrust me to this community of which I am a part and that I like knew how to touch you . Thank you from the heart!
I know that this process of mourning that you have just begun will be long and terrible, you will go from misunderstanding to revolt, you will even hate him for having abandoned you at the same time as your desire to see him again. will make you give up trying to beat you. Yet, it is necessary if you want to find the life and its marvels.
At first, you will probably not do it for you but not to hurt even more those who suffer from his departure. Then, one day, you will smile when you wake up, at the end of a sweet dream. I felt guilty when it happened to me but the survival lasts only one time, the life takes again little by little but not if you isolate yourself. Sharing allows you to take a step back, if only for a friendly hand on your shoulder.
If you feel a little peace these days, you will understand that I am not the only one here to pray for you, to want to take you in his arms to console you. I will send you a ton of Light of love to alleviate your sorrow ...
I hope that one day, this experience will become a great strength in you, is useful for someone else. In these moments, as for me now, you will feel that this terrible death can bring life to others. One second at a time is enough for now, do not ask yourself more. There is only time and love that will make you see the end of the tunnel, + your faith if you have it. I carry you in my heart with gentleness, compassion and love. I can attest, life still has wonderful moments. Do not let go!