I am not looking for sympathy or advice. I suck @ life. I wanted to be a designer but I'm no good at that either. This is the story of my entire life...never good enough for anyone and always screwing something up. Everything is mediocre at best and it leaves me constantly hating myself.
@Theadora, Yes there were threats and yes I was blamed and told it was all my fault and I was accused of saying things that were never said. It is impossible to have a civil conversation with threats, lies and judgement. Therefore I simply am not discussing it with anyone anymore.Kindly stop flooding my rooms with your comments. You are turning into an unwelcome stalker and you have made it perfectly clear where you stand trying to insert words that were never said or blatently lying. I simply will not stand for that kind of behavior from anyone. I know the pain that I live with everyday and that kind of behavior is of no help whatsoever.
@and_sew_on Thank you for your kind words. You are correct....heaven forbid if you have multiple strikes. If you have multiple strikes then they start judging every word that comes out of your mouth. If you think different than them, then forget the possibility of ever having friends. People do not get it, you didn't choose your physical make up, you can not always help your financial situation...but the world certainly has no problem judging you for it. If they have already chosen to judge you, then there is very little you can say or do to change their mind. People here have tried to say it is my fault, I have been threatened. It is a live people can not fathom so they find it easier to point fingers than to truly understand. For that reason I am not longer discussing it here. I get it I am not everyone's image of perfection, it is something I have learned to live with....but it does not take away the pain inside.
Thank you bgref
room votes and room likes are two completely different things and more times than not I don't even have a handful of votes. And what I said was far beyond something based on here and I will not discuss it here.
Perhaps I did not make myself clear enough...I am not discussing this anymore.
All a matter of what you choose to perceive.However, when someone starts inserting words that were never said and starts making threats, that is not being helpful. As far as being judgemental....Nicolas, this is what you told me "I agree that people can not just hate you because they want to you first must have done something to make them the way they are about you." So you have chosen to judge me, yet you have never walked in my shoes nor do you truly know the validity of any of my statements. You simply have chosen to believe that it is all my fault. With that being said, there is nothing else to discuss. You believe without really knowing me, that I am at fault.
No further comments. People have simply tried to read things that were never said or judge what they have never lived. There can not be a meaningful conversation if people are going to insert what is not there or simply choose to be judgemental.
I know you are all trying to help. But the bottom line, the few posts I have made do not truly begin to explain the pain I experience. However, I try to live a normal life. Very few people, know the pain I live with. I truly wish I knew why others view me as they do, why people try to avoid me at all cost. But I can't change people's opinions nor does it change the fact that at the end of the day I am still alone. At home I bury my head in my computer, games, RS they all take my mind off the fact that I am alone. I live in fear of reaching out to new people in real life it is always the same, on computer, people misinterpret a life, a pain they simply have never experienced. Some may think they have, but they simply do not know me and have certainly not lived 'my' life.
When I say that there is no one and I am totally alone, this is not something that I am imagining or making up. This is all very real. And no amount of therapy will change that. And it is not just church. This happens everywhere I go. Please, if you are going to read things in here that I have not said, then please simply do not respond. Yes, it is a very real pain that I live with every day. But it is also a very real pain that I have learned to live with. The last thing I need is someone turning this into something it is not. I know you think you are trying to help. But as the saying goes Don't judge a man till you have walked in his shoes. What I have said hardly begins to really describe the daily experiences I have and interactions or lack there of with people.
1. I know you are all trying to help but putting words in my mouth that were never said is not helpful. No where have I ever said a single word about suicide. I said I could be dead tomorrow and no one would ever know. 2. I am in no way shape or form imagining the things in my life. Professional help will do little good, because others attitudes can never be changed. In the real world I laugh to cover up the pain. Very few people know the pain I live with ever day. But it changes nothing. I am chasing no one away. But it does not change the fact that I feel like everyone does whatever they can to avoid me. Yes, I go to church and I talk to people and ask them how they are doing...people I genuinely care about. But no one asks me how I am doing. No one comes up to say hi to me. I tried for 1 month to just walk into church and not speak to anyone and no one even knew I was there.
Nicola, I understand what you are saying. But no one walks around for 40 years feeling like everywhere they go they are some kind of plague. Feeling like everyone goes to the other side of the room/street just to avoid them. Yes, I realize that life is not perfect. But when the whole world you live in keeps sending you the same signals, then it becomes personal and you have to ask yourself, why does no one like me, why do I have no friends. It certainly is not because I don't take the time to ask others @ church how they are doing. But I could die tomorrow and no one would ever know I was gone.
I love the way you did the crib.
Thank you Jay
your latest series of designs with tunnels and this, have been totally awesome.
@Jade, I did send you a FB request.
As you can see I have not been successful at relations. My mom has ridiculed me every step of my life. Always quick to point out every failure I have ever made. My sister won't even speak to me (for reasons I do not know....other than like the rest of the world she just finds it easier to hate me). I know God did not create any of us to be entirely alone yet no matter where I am, what I do I am always alone and it hurts deeply. The bottom line is no matter what I choose to do, I can not change others opinions and I am still alone
Fast forward, after I left school, I met my first husband and married him for all the wrong reasons. I was still you and naive and I was afraid of being alone and thought that might be the only chance I would ever have. Needless to say that did not work, I met my second husband and he was a control freak, even after we divorced I spent over 10 years in constant custody battles with him, while he manipulated the court, me and my kids. Then there was my third husband...it might have been one of my better marriages but in the end it still did not work....he was a 24/7 alcoholic. We were constantly having our utilities shut off because he was spending all the money on alcohol.
Orionaute, I hear what you are saying, but I just don't see how therapy can help. You simply can not change other's impression. I have moments where I am happy, but it changes nothing, at the end of every day I am still alone. When I was in elementary school I had a sever case of chicken pox that scarred my face, my mom made me dress up in clothes she made, I wore glasses. I was called crater face, four eyes. I went through school with no friends whatsoever. There were 2 girls that at the time I thought were friends, but later came to realize that the only reason they were nice was because I was a straight A student in math and they were using me.